cosmo tip #696
if a guy buys you a bunch of drinks and then expects you to have sex with him you can just give him back the drinks by puking into his lap
"When you sense someone might be about to mug you, mug them first: Don’t be afraid to take action. If someone seems like they might be following you, pull a gun on that person and steal their valuables. This will send a clear message to the potential mugger and decrease your chances of getting mugged."
Normal cats shake their butt when they’re about to pounce on something. Polly shakes her head.
can a ghost and a zombie come from the same person
Is this a comic? This should be a comic.
"no stupid, oh my god. no just… just turn… fuck. don’t wander over there, you’re gonna fall down the… aaand there he goes………….. moron.”
a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.
I think I speak for the entire class when I say I would really like to hear that story
i’d rather eat a salad than go to school