do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut the fuck up even when they aren’t talking
i love birthdays they’re so motivational like if i can manage to keep myself alive for another year ill get money and cake
when you see a map or a family tree at the front of a novel you know that shit is gonna get complicated
if someone calls you a slut, break their fucking neck without even hesitating or saying a single word and as they lay there on the ground dead, lean down close to their corpse and whisper
“slut means the end in swedish”
this is the most popular post i’ve ever made and its still fuckin going and i am GLAD
ads for pads these days are all about how thin and discreet pads are and how no one will ever be tell you’re wearing them wELL HOW ABOUT YOU MAKE THE PACKAGING QUIETER BECAUSE THERE’S NO FUCKING POINT IN HAVING A THIN DISCREET PAD WHEN EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU RIPPING ONE OPEN IN THE SCHOOL BATHROOM
Use the men’s room they won’t expect it
'Who the fuck is eating chips in here?'
They call me coffee cuz I grind so fine
They call me coffee I keep you up past 2 am
They call me coffee because I’m really bitter and most people don’t like me without changing some aspect of what I am
anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “not to you”
urban dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions
if lucifer needs someones consent to enter their body then so do you
imagine if they named a disease after your url
i think i have my disease ://
people who wear pants past 7 are not the kind of people i associate with
jesus christ i’m getting hate over this because people are putting the word ‘size’ in there when thats not what i was saying
AS IN THE FUCKING TIME
I thought you meant past age 7 and I was rly confused
"Happy birthday son. Since you’re eight now it’s time you learn about kilts.”
WHAT DO YOU AMERICANS MEAN WHEN A SHOW IS ON AT LIKE FUCKIN “8/7c” WHAT IS THAT????
We never switched over to metric timekeeping. The c stands for “Caw”, referring to how many times a majestic eagle has flown overhead and cawed that day. Sometimes the eagles are feeling sluggish, so the show could be on after either the 7th or 8th caw.
Dreams would be much more fun if they were multi-player servers that other sleeping people could join.